Keeping Up Appearances
by Rizzy.and.Izzy
Summary: My first M rated story. One-shot. Jane's POV. Jane tries to get Maura to let herself go. Give the story a chance if you'd like to. If it's not your type of thing, that's okay too. :)


_Okay, this is my first "adult" story. I'm quite a bit nervous doing this. sociallyawkwardpenguin was there to hold my hand through this. ;) She has unending patience and gives great feedback. This is M rated, but I tried to be as PG as possible. :P_

_This story will be entirely Jane's point of view, her thoughts. In this story, Jane and Maura have been together about a month._

* * *

Right now, in this moment, I can't speak at all. When we're both this far gone, I'm lucky if I can even say _you're so beautiful_ or _you feel so good_. She knows what I'm trying to say anyway, I tell her with each movement I match of hers. Each slightly different angle that I know brings her closer to the edge even if only by an inch.

She's on all fours with her back to me, her favorite position not mine. I like to see her face. I can hear her, and most nights that would be more than enough, but tonight I need to see her face. She once said she likes it this way because it hits her higher, pushes her further. But now I know why she really likes it.

I can't stay like this for too much longer. I can barely hold back as it is. Seeing her taking me in like this has always been too intense. The desire to finish this right now is getting much too great. I keep going for as long as I can, making sure I've given her everything she needs, gotten her as close as possible to release. But I can't let her go just yet, not now, not like this. Not after her confession.

Don't get me wrong, I used to like this position. I clearly still do, but not as much lately, not since her admission a few nights ago. She told me she fears losing control, being that vulnerable in front of someone else. Only with her back to me can she finally let everything fall away and just feel. But that's exactly why I like to see her face to face. I need to see her look like that, lose herself. That's what hits me in just the right spot every time.

I bring her closer to me, lower myself along her back. I thrust once more, slower, tempered. I want her to feel me as well as hear me. I want her to know I am right there with her. I almost completely stop moving as I whisper in her ear,

"Turn over."

That's all I need to say. She doesn't pause, doesn't hesitate. She's with me too. This is my favorite position. There's no restraining myself, no holding back when I see her like this. That's why I like this particular toy. It hits me in just the right spot, but only when I want it to. And right now, I desperately want it to.

Seeing her only a few seconds away from letting go, that's what does it for me, that's when I'll finally let myself go. Seeing her freed from her own strict limits. Seeing her exceed beyond where she usually allows herself to go. That's what I want tonight. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. For me it's seeing her, what did she say, letting it all fall away and just feel. _Yeah, that's it._

_"Turn over."_

In this moment I realize a person doesn't need to be on the receiving end to feel exposed. I've often felt embarrassed or shy before, but I know that nothing I show to her could make her love me less. So I drop whatever notions I had about myself and what I could or couldn't do in front of another person, and I let her see me, all of me. I let go first, I release it all, I let it all fall away.

When she looks up at me, she knows tonight is different than other nights. She looks at me and I let her see me, all of me. I want her to know that this isn't just about an orgasm. This isn't even about me. I show her how much she means to me, so she feels nothing but loved when she finally lets it all go.

I get as close to her as I can, meet her gaze and search her eyes. I try to convey in that look everything I'm trying to do, unable to speak even if I knew what to say. This kind of thing is beyond words anyway. _There's no reason to hide, no excuse to turn away_. I keep my eyes open for as long as possible and just let her see me. Not worried at all because we both look exactly the same. All sticky sweet, hair matted, face flushed, and muscles tense.

My eyes close seconds after hers, my head barely stays up. But I'm not missing anything, because I can feel her. Oh, how I can feel her. Her arms grip me tighter and tighter, and on the inside too she grips me. I know that she's come undone, only seconds after I.

Completely alive and embracing the moment when the world stops moving and there is absolutely nothing left to hold onto. No desire to hold on to anything even if you could. The feeling of both falling and flying at the same time.

When we're finally able to move again, which always seems to be around the same time, I open my eyes. I've somehow nestled into her shoulder. I know in all other aspects of her life she's been able to shed the facade of her upbringing. Yet at certain times it still creeps back in. Tonight I wanted to show her how to finally let that last bit go. When she speaks, I know I have succeeded. She says something so simple. So loaded. _So worth it_.

"I love you."

I let her words wash over me. Go around me, up and over and inside me. Through me, to me, to my heart. She says it so specific to this moment that it sounds like the first time. There's nothing else to say but,

"I love you too."

In the same breath she responds,

"I know."

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_If you hated this, you can throw tomatoes, or anything else soft. :) Anyone can leave a review, but if you do please be kind. Thank you! :) If you don't want to leave a review, you can PM me too. I don't bite, I high five. :)_


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